The estimable Miss K,(aka Big Daughter), and I just had a blow-out fight. As we screamed briefly and loudly at each other, I was wondering what Miguel, our long-time neighbor was thinking. The fight was ostensibly over my missing Kiehl's mascara -but in actuality, much bigger things. The walls of the apartments in our East Village are so thin, at times it seems like we are all one communal family. Most days, I might catch a whiff of Miguel's amazing cooking, or hear my other neighbor running a bath, late at night. For some reason, the upstairs neighbor always walks around late at night, but I'm used to it. Memorial Day weekend brought the sudden disappearance of Young Sir C, Miss K's long-time boyfriend. He headed upstate for the three day weekend, and drove out of her life with just one phone call. It's hard to fight with Miss K when she's been stunned by such a painful event. Yet, as her mother, I want her to experience joy in her life -a tall order. I watch her working so hard at school, and her two jobs, and worry that she gives nothing to herself. I am learning that the hard part of parenting is wanting your child to be happy, while knowing it's none of your business - at a certain point. Sunday evening, I stopped in to visit Miss K. at Cafe Habana, at 17 Prince Street in Nolita, to see how she was doing. On the spur of the moment, I decided to have dinner at the bar. That way, I could lend Miss K. some love without distracting her at work. The shredded pork was pretty good, and I even ate the rice and beans. The real surprise was the chelada, a Corona mixed with lime juice and salt. It was pretty refreshing, even after a few sips -since I have no tolerance or taste for more than that. The bartender approved of my brief visit, and noted that few parents come in to see their kids working. As usual, the place was packed. But getting back to our fight. This afternoon, Miss K was certain I was in a snit, due to my burgeoning romance of a few weeks. I was equally certain that our fight had nothing to do with Mr. Delicious, and said as much. The larger issue of having things has been on my mind for awhile now. A large part of leaving Tribeca stemmed from a sense that each family member had lost their sense of joy, due to the ongoing tension between Carl and I. Since it's inception, this blog has always been about food -certainly something that gives me joy. It's hard to say which it was; the food, the discovery of a particular place, or the overall journey. That has changed in the past six months. Economics is just one part of it. In a larger way, the need to travel in search of new tastes is gone. It's been replaced by the real issues of life: the idea of home, friendship and love. Food has become more of a backdrop to those things. Since moving back to the East Village, I have been meeting my closest girlfriends for lunch - and good conversation- at least twice a week. Lady E. and I eat at Saravannas Bhavan, a vegetarian South Indian restaurant at 26th and Lexington, every Saturday. I'm so hungry to talk to her, I usually eat only the desserts on the South Indian Thali. In the past months -prior to making the acquaintance of Mr. Delicious, I might add - there have been many conversations with friends about the new truths of our lives. While our family constellation remains the same, i.e. the players are still there, the truths are different now. In late April, the delectable Miss E. took me to Macondo, 157 E. Houston below Second Avenue, for a belated birthday present. We discussed her upcoming nuptials, and my second time around the block as a single mother. I was pleased to see that I was not feeling so alone. It also helped that the hot chocolate at Macondo was as amazing as I expected, thick, glossy and with hints of ginger. More recently, Lady M. and I finally made it to the Smile, a general store, cafe and tattoo parlor at 26 Bond Street, between Lafayette and Bowery. It had a Williamsburg vibe, which I liked, with wooden tables and chairs and an eclectic design. The candles in the front of the store smelled pretty good, and the staff was very welcoming. We shared a chocolate brioche, the cheese plate and the mozzarella and tomato on seven grain toast, as we talked about her third pregnancy, and my fears about romance. A week prior, we stumbled on Emporio, an Italian restaurant, 231 Mott Street near Prince Street, that's related to Aurora on Broome and West Broadway. I had the gnocchi with pork ragu, and Lady M. tried a panini. Both were very good. We talked about the nice farmhouse vibe at Emporio. On Memorial Day, Carl and I took Salena to her paternal grandmother's house for breakfast. Of course, en route, we stopped at the original Egg Custard King at Forsyth and Grand, for my favorite iced milk tea, and little one's noodles. Carl was slightly surprised to hear that they didn't have change for a twenty -and I had only $2 of the $4. He had planned to go in and get his own coffee anyway. I had specified milk last time, but they added sugar -and he was loath to repeat the experience. For breakfast, Carl's mother made Matzo brei, matzo dipped in egg and fried. It's very comforting -and she'd kept it warm in the oven. Along with the applesauce, I kept sprinkling sugar on mine. Afterwards, little one played the piano with her grandmother, and they watered plants. This is their usual routine. Soon after, we headed out to the beach. Sunken Meadow was not too crowded, and I decided to brave the chilly water. It was like swimming in ice cubes. On the way home, as little one slept in the back seat, I told Carl about Mr. Delicious. He was not surprised, and commented that I had seemed nervous in recent days, and understood that I might feel guilty. Both of us acknowledged our intention to remain good friends, and continue spending periodic quality time together with Salena.

The sameness of change, lighthouses and lemon poppyseed biscotti

The funny thing about change is that most things still stay the same. This past weekend, little one, Carl and I -along with Gigi, the dog-took a beautiful walk along the Hudson River. Our destination was the Saugerties Lighthouse, a historic lighthouse located at the mouth of the Esopus Creek on the Hudson River. It was the perfect way to celebrate my 48th birthday. The walk was simple and took us through the woods, as we meandered along the Hudson River. Gigi was in heaven. He was straining at the leash, as he nosed his way down the path, sniffing like a little mad hatter. I was surprised to see how much the Hudson River resembles a small ocean, with its wide expanse of beach. We met several other dog owners who had the same idea. All of them were friendly. The walk ends at the Saugerties Lighthouse, which is reached by a wooden boardwalk. It is also a bed and breakfast and I could definitely understand the appeal of staying there. Especially at night, with the water lapping gently at the moorings. There were tables and benches situated around the lighthouse for those who chose to have a small picnic. We may well do that -although I worried that Gigi would jump into the Hudson River. Gigi is like Curious George, the adventurous monkey, just the dog version and he likes to swim. Afterwards, as we drove through Saugerties, I spied the Hudson Dessert Company, 264 Main Street, Saugerties. Somehow, I know that this would be a bakery after my heart. It was. I picked up some lemon, poppyseed biscotti which had a wonderful taste of lemon and poppyseed -and were low in sugar and carbohydrates. Little one and Carl loved their ginger spice cookies, and I even got Carl's coffee right. Afterwards, we drove back down to the city and collected Big Daughter. She was just finishing her shift at Cafe Habana. As a treat, I walked Gigi over to see her. Big Daughter couldn't pet him, due to hygiene concerns -but she was thrilled to see him. We dropped Gigi off at the East Village and headed out to Astoria for Greek food. I had researched a place, but at the last minute, as we were parking, we were directed to a place at 33rd Avenue and 21st street. Our referral source, an amiable man celebrating Greek Orthodox Easter with friends, described the place as "down home Greek cooking." He couldn't recall the name, and said "you'll see the lamb roasting on the spit in the window." There was a brief Taxi Driver moment, when a skinhead looking man tried to take Carl's parking spot. For a minute, we all thought he'd take it. Carl does not like confrontation, but valiantly honked his horn to indicate he was taking the spot. The man looked at him and all of us, and then left. I think Big Daughter intimidated him with her beauty. Anyway, the check said Anna's Greek Restaurant and the awning said Psitoplio. Whatever the name, it was packed with Greeks celebrating Orthodox Easter, and random neighborhood types eating Sunday dinner. We ordered two Greek salads, which were fresh -and sparing with the feta. When Young Sir C. arrived, he had some salad and agreed to share the small butcher plate with us. This was a platter of sliced chicken, lamb, and pork with toasted pita triangles and tzatziki sauce, the thick yogurt and cucumber dip often put on souvlaki. Essentially, it was a make your own miniature souvlaki- and really good. The waitress was impressed with how much we ate. Big Daughter ordered some homemade sausage, and we also got an appetizer plate of the traditional dips: taramosalata, tzatziki and skordalia, the garlic and potato dip. It was all good. Little one and her big sister both started with a bowl of chicken lemon soup. The waitress said there was no dessert, so we drove back to the city. Since I was full, I suggested we stop in at Chikalicious Dessert Bakery, 204 E. 10th Street. The big and little kids had vanilla softserve with fudge and chocolate pearls in that order. I had a chocolate shake and Carl had coffee. They managed to sneak a cupcake with a candle, and everyone joined in the happy birthday song. Little one is happy to be with her entire family in one setting. She also loves spending time with Carl and I. We try to ensure that this happens a few times a week. A few weeks ago, I forgot about early pick-up before the Easter break, so we ended up eating Vietnamese on Baxter. Little one was tickled -although she said "I cried, that you forgot." Carl said he was worried that I was hit by a car. I have trouble remembering all the early dismissals sometimes. Anyway, during our weekly lunch date on Monday, my dear friend Lady M. obs served that children love to spend time with both parents. We were both rattled to discover the closing of Amai Tea Cafe, at 16th and 3rd Avenue. Lady M. and I had been in the habit of going there for good tea and conversation. After a few false starts, we finally ended up at Cafe Pick Me Up, at the corner of E. 10th and Avenue A. It's been in my neighborhood forever, and as the rain began to fall in earnest, we were momentarily warm and safe.

Safe Havens in stormy ports

Two weeks ago Monday, I noticed that the Mott Street Egg Custard King II was closed, and there were workmen in front. By that Tuesday, the sign was gone, and Egg Custard King II was no more. I was bereft. In these times of change, the familiar is the norm. Last fall, we developed the habit of stopping in for a snack, after little one's ballet classes on Saturday afternoon. In recent months, as Carl and I have constructed our separate lives, the tradition has continued, now that he accompanies her to ballet. Even so, whenever I stopped in with little one, the staff always set the table for three. No matter the weather, I always have a taste for their iced milk tea. The staff at my local Chase branch, next door at Mott and Canal, had no idea what happened, so I walked over to the original Egg Custard King at 271 Grand Street at Forsyth. It took some effort, but finally the manager was able to tell me that the Mott street cafe had relocated to Eighth Avenue in Sunset Park. She reassured me that the Grand street location had no plans to close. Continuing on the theme of the familiar, my friend Lady L., invited me to dinner a few weeks ago. Being a fan of Chanterelle, 2 Harrison Street at Hudson Street, I chose Macao Trading Co, a much-heralded collaboration between Chanterelle and Employees Only, 510 Hudson Street, a restaurant well-known for its cocktails. The food was good at Macao Trading Co -chorizo with chunks of melon, shrimp wrappers, Chinese-style, and rice pudding with port-soaked fruit. Early on a Tuesday evening, the place was buzzing with a mixed clientele. Funnily enough, I had no idea of the x-rated decor at Macao Trading Co. Nonetheless, while waiting for Lady L. at the bar, I detected an undertone of decadence in the stylized post-colonial setting. As the man next to me struck up a conversation, I found myself referencing my two girls. Normally, I am home supervising little one's homework on a Tuesday evening. That evening, however, she and Carl were in Boston for March Madness. Call me old-fashioned, but my heart will always remain with Chanterelle. In a recent review of Macao Trading Co, Frank Bruni, the New York Times restaurant critic, described Chanterelle as "stodgy and stately." I beg to differ. Chanterelle is not a place I visit often. But when I do, I am assured of a particularly unique experience. For a few short hours, I am transported into a world that is about good food and people actually talking to each other. During our dinner at Macao Trading Co., Lady L. gave me a book, The Last Chinese Chef, by Nicole Mones (who also wrote Lost in Translation) Lady L. picked it up on a recent business trip to San Francisco, and thought I would enjoy it. In a nutshell, the book is set in contemporary China, with a theme of loss and growth, against a back story about respect and tradition for food. After dinner, Lady L. and I said our good nights. It felt good to step into the chilly night air. Walking quickly through Soho, I was grateful to be heading home, as I walked past the cube at Astor Place. Speaking of tradition, Big Daughter's father, the Big N., has been in NYC for the past month and a half. During this time, our reconstituted family has fallen into a pattern of eating dinner together. Despite a full course load at New School, and her part-time work at Cafe Habana, 17 Prince Street at Elizabeth, Big Daughter has been cooking up a storm. Our meals have become a safe harbor during these turbulent times.

Jelly donuts and diamond rings

There is something about jelly donuts and diamond rings that seems compatible. I was the recipient of both this week -and each came at the perfect moment. When times are tough -and they do feel tough - food becomes only about comfort. En route to work the other morning, I decided it was time for a jelly donut at the Polish G.I. Delicatessen, 101 First Avenue, between 6th and 7th streets. Years ago, when Big Daughter was a small, beautiful jumping bean, we loved getting our cheese, ham, kielbasa, and different types of sweets there. Sometimes we also bought flavored syrups, which I mixed with seltzer for her summer drinks. The other day, Big Daughter brought home some of their kielbasa and sauerkraut. A whiff of those long-ago days motivated me to make a visit to purchase ham, and more kielbasa. The store had been remodeled since then. It didn't feel so cramped, and the same sweet ladies were still working there. I was making black bean soup from scratch, and wanted to add some smoked kielbasa to it. As I left, I eyed the jelly donuts in the front window. Most mornings, little one and I still have breakfast in Chinatown before school, unless she's spent the night at Carl's. On the mornings we aren't together, I usually walk over to Egg Custard King to get an iced milk tea. Luckily, they have two locations -one at Mott Street, between Canal and Bayard, and the other, Egg Custard King Two Cafe at 271 Grand Street. I find walking very zen, as long as I have my Ipod, which Big Daughter loaded with an eclectic mix of songs. That, mixed with walks in different neighborhoods, makes me feel like I'm traveling. Since I am presently working on the Lower East Side, around FDR and Clinton street, I structure my route around my taste buds. Hence the jelly donut -also known as Paczki. I looked it up and found an entry on the Serious Eats website. Good thing I didn't read about it until I had eaten it. Apparently, it's loaded with calories and eaten on Fat Thursday -as a pre-Lenten treat. I can say that it tasted great -although I did have a stomachache afterwards. Lately, I've been ruminating on a shift in my eating habits. Going out for dinner has lost its appeal. It has been replaced by going out for favorite breakfast foods. Perhaps eating out is directly related to economic comfort, or maybe it's the loss of my dining partner. Speaking of Carl, despite living separately, we remain united about ensuring the well-being of the two beautiful girls. To that end, we decided a visit to little one's paternal grandmother on Long Island, was in order. Family dynamics notwithstanding, little one seems more comfortable with her grandmother, when both parents are in attendance. Given her grandmother's big back yard, our dog Gigi, also visited. He romped happily outside, while little one romped happily inside. Although Big Daughter was working, she was in complete approval of the visit. Her extended family in Belgrade is her mainstay, and she spends as much time with them as possible. In the middle of the visit, little one's grandmother graciously offered me the use of a gift certificate from Fortunoff's. They are apparently going out of business. She proposed that I select some jewelry for an early birthday present. I was agreeable, and we drove out to the Fortunoff's store on Long Island. It wasn't a madhouse, as we feared, and I ended up with a beautiful diamond ring. Diamonds are my birthstone, and until recently, I never owned a diamond ring. First, a black diamond ring for Valentine's Day from Big Daughter, and then the diamond ring from my former mother-in-law. I think of both rings as honoring motherhood and family. Circles of jam and diamonds, both immeasurably sweet in their own particular way.

Birthdays and small fires

Big Daughter turned 20 yesterday. To celebrate, she suggested that we have lunch at Cafe Habana, 17 Prince Street, at Elizabeth in Nolita, where she recently began working as a hostess. The staff recruited her one evening, as she was having dinner with her best friend, Lady D. Big Daughter's father, the Big N., arrived Thursday from Belgrade, for a month's visit. Being a fan of all things Cuban, he liked the idea of lunch at Cafe Habana. I had flatly refused to join Big Daughter and her friends later that evening at Cafeteria, and he seconded me. We would have been fish out of water. When we met outside Cafe Habana, little one was holding a trio of multicolored balloons for her sister. Earlier in the morning, little one had asked to speak to me privately on the phone. She cried, as she expressed her upset with me, for giving her older sister the birthday gifts without her. We spent Friday together, buying several presents for Big Daughter; flowers, chocolates, a foot massage, sandals, and a gift card from Think coffee, 1 Bleecker street at Bowery. Big Daughter is quite enamored with their iced Spanish lattes, and the gift card will allow her exactly five. Little one had also selected a birthday cake recipe from her special cookbook. After I apologized to her, she regained her good spirits. It helped when her sister said, "now, you can give me another present." I was instructed to buy five chocolate-covered strawberries. The balloons were too big for Cafe Habana, so Big Daughter put them downstairs until we finished eating. The three of them ordered Cuban sandwiches, and I opted to share with little one. In addition, Big Daughter suggested that we get two orders of the Mexican-style grilled corn with chili powder and queso blanco, and an order of molletes, toasted cuban bread with refried black beans and chorizo covered with cheese. Feeling that 20 is a major accomplishment, I ordered a margarita. It arrived in a lemonade glass. I sipped it gently throughout the meal, with no negative side effects. The food was so good, the Big N. felt like he was back in Havana. Cafe Habana is perennially busy and that makes it a lot of fun. It has the rare talent of attracting a mixed crowd of all ages, making for an eclectic, buzzing atmosphere. Speaking of buzzing, I'm starting to wonder about fire gods. I am presently at 2-0 - after nearly burning down the house down a second time - this past Tuesday evening. Both girls have been sick with colds. Big Daughter became sick first, and developed an inexplicable craving for bacon. Somehow, the bacon caught fire in the pan, and flames started shooting out. According to Big Daughter, I started the fire, because I can't tolerate it when she's sick. A faulty premise. Nevertheless, it was pretty embarrassing. After I poured water on the pan, the apartment filled with smoke, and the smoke alarm in the hallway began beeping loudly and insistently. The neighbors mobilized and turned off the alarm. I was too mortified to answer the door. For days, the smell of moldy, wet blankets was in the air. Luckily, Big Daughter received several birthday bouquets of flowers, which perfumed the air with the scent of hyacinths. I am thinking of combustibility. Reverting back to single motherhood-status - with a 20 and 6-year-old - is no easy task. Big Daughter is pretty militaristic in her approach to house maintenance, and little one would like her parents united. These days, I frequently ponder the vast differences between genders, especially with regard to the issues of intimacy, families and child-rearing. The fact that mothers actually expand and contract in the process of creating families, is even more profound than ever to me. As he waited for birthday cake, the Big N. observed that each girl comes with her own father. I noted that each one is truly the apple of her father's eye. As little one and I began baking the birthday cake, the oven was still a little smoky. I had scrubbed out the burned spots, but a few remained. Terrified of triggering smoke alarms, I positioned fans all over the kitchen and opened my bedroom window. Little one anxiously observed some smoke. I reassured her, and it soon abated. Although we planned a pink cake with pink icing and sprinkles, ours ended up a soft orange color with light purple frosting, crowned with sprinkles. It was surprisingly tasty. Young Sir. C., Big Daughter's boyfriend, even had a second helping. He remarked on the pleasing crunchiness of the sprinkles. I had some for breakfast this morning. Carl got the last piece, when he came over to interview a new babysitter for little one this evening.

Little one and I made 32 valentines for her classmates the other night, and nearly burned down the house. As I was cutting the valentines, and gluing different colored versions together, as per her instructions, the tissue paper suddenly caught fire with a burning candle flame that had flared up. I grabbed the smouldering stack of multicolored construction paper and threw it in the kitchen sink, after stomping on it. We were both frightened by the swiftness of the flames -and the combustibility of the tissue paper. After that, little one decided to blow out another candle, which was burning quietly on a corner table. As we met for our regular weekend lunch date on Saturday, my dear friend, Lady E., wondered if the fire was a warning. Her comment is well-taken. Love and passion, like fire - have a way of burning out of control and then subsiding, sometimes into ashes. The prior evening, during good food and conversation,(part of her weekly Friday evening dinner with friends at home), Big Daughter inadvertently said "I wouldn't want to be without a valentine on Valentine's Day. As her long-time friend Ms. R winced, Big Daughter started laughing, after I observed that I was none for the worse as the day approached. Of course, on Saturday afternoon, Big Daughter presented me with a beautiful, and delicate silver ring inscribed with tiny black diamonds. At Christmas, I had swooned over a stunning ring with black diamonds given to Lady L., a dear friend, and the elegant mother of little one's best friend, by her husband, Sir M. Big Daughter remembered how much I loved that ring. I was thinking about my valentines this past weekend. Big Daughter and Little one of course, but also the myriad friends and varied joys I have in my life. Another dear friend, Lady S., had commiserated with me about the making of valentines. She observed that in the preparations, Valentine's Day is not always so sweet. Lady S. also had the dubious honor of making 32 valentines with her sweet 7-year-old. We compared notes. By the 25th valentine, both of our daughters became tired and asked us to write the word "valentine," for them. Despite their weariness, Lady S. and I were touched by their sense of fairness. When we began to waver, after cutting out so many hearts, they insisted that each kid in their class receive a card. Earlier on Friday, I stopped in at Bond Street Chocolate, 63 E. 4th Street, between Second and Third Avenues, to buy a chocolate Jesus Christ for Big Daughter, along with four chocolate skulls, one chocolate Ganesh for Lady S, and little printed chocolates for little one. At the request of little one, I picked up a mix of four bonbons for Carl. I reminded her that "daddy doesn't always like gifts." Little one confidently said "he will from me," and she was right. A few weeks ago, I had the pleasure of meeting Lynda Stern, the very cool proprietress of Bond Street Chocolates, when I stopped in to check out her beautiful store. We ended up talking about kids and motherhood, and I brought home some amazing chocolate toffees. They disappeared that same afternoon. Big Daughter, her boyfriend, Young Sir. C, and little one, pretty much inhaled them. The Friday before Valentine's Day, I was happy to see customers buying large boxes of bonbons and other chocolates. Ms. Stern was cool and collected, despite negotiating a delay for an order of additional gift boxes, and needing to replenish some of her offerings. In this uncertain economic climate, it is comforting to see a new business thriving. It was also sweet to see that Young Sir C., and Big Daughter both purchased gifts for the other at Tiffany's. Despite a minor upset due to miscommunication, they made it to Valentine's Day. Young Sir C. narrowly avoided the doghouse. I threatened Big Daughter with puppy biscuits with Valium in them, after she tossed his Valentine gift at him. I was on my way to collect Minnie, our Himalayan Persian cat, from the very loving, pet groomers at Puppy Love and Kitty Kat, 420 E. 9th between First Avenue and Avenue A. I was afraid they'd report me to the ASPCA, because Minnie was so matted. I'd cut some large sections of matted fur off, leaving her looking slightly grotesque. After we moved to the E. Village, Minnie hid behind a closet for awhile. When she emerged, Gigi, the dog, was a little too loving -and she continued hiding. I also fell off the wagon with her daily grooming. Minnie came home looking like a gorgeous little lion. Later, I went to collect little one from Carl. We decided to have dinner at Sharaku, a good, reliable Japanese restaurant at 14 Stuyvesant Street, actually 9th street, between 2nd and 3rd Avenues. When I arrived, little one handed me a big pink stuffed rabbit and a box of German-made cookies, along with a beautiful bouquet of pink and white roses. She excitedly showed me a purple, stuffed rabbit and cookies for her sister, and loved the chocolates for Carl.

This past Sunday, I stopped in at Lassi, 28 Greenwich Avenue, to try their jasmine-infused hot chocolate. It was mentioned in a listing of hot chocolate offerings in Page Six, New York Post's Sunday magazine, and sounded good to me. I loved it, but could only drink a little -it was so rich. I ended up carrying it, while I walked with Lady E. to a late lunch in Little India on Lexington Avenue, between 28th and
26th streets. Lady E. wanted to try something new, so we ended up at Tiffin Walla on 28th Street, between Park Avenue South and Lexington. They are a sister restaurant to Chennai Garden, a few blocks away on 27th street. Both places have pretty decent weekday lunch buffets for $6. My few sips of Lassi's hot chocolate carried such a pleasurable punch, I was unable to drink the excellent chai tea at Tiffin Walla. I took it home as well. Lady E. and I shared the South Indian Thali, and a chaat, both of which were good. Tiffin Walla is peppy in decor, and while the staff appears grouchy, they are actually quite nice. Hot chocolate makes me think of kindness and warmth, both of which seem to be in short supply these days. As the world as we know it comes to a crashing end, I find myself dodging bullets, as per my dear friend, Lady M.'s recent observation. After several difficult, and ultimately disappointing job interviews, I am realizing that working for myself is the better proposition. Those who are working in organizations seem more scared than those who are independent. Speaking of kindness and warmth, little one was excited on Saturday, when I rented The Sound of Music for her, at our local Blockbuster on Broadway at Ninth street. In our family, The Sound of Music is a big tradition. I remember pilgrimages to the local movie theater, after returning from Africa. During a family trip one summer to Austria, my sisters and I each received the traditional Austrian dresses. I actually wore mine to a family reunion in Minnesota. Big Daughter watched The Sound of Music throughout her childhood as well. As she and little one began watching the film, I reflected on the comfort it always provided me. The opening scene over the Alps brought it all back. I was happy to comply, when little one, and her Big Sister both requested chocolate chip cookies, after I finished making dinner. Even better was hearing that the cookies "tasted like clouds." The East Village kitchen is so tiny, I run out of places to put things. I ended up adding the brown sugar directly to the flour, rather than the egg and butter -and skipped the white sugar. Hence the "cloud" sensation. Early Monday evening, sweetness was in the air at Gottino's, 52 Greenwich Avenue between Perry and Charles streets, where I met up with another friend named Lady E., for some Vin Brule and little tasting plates. We had some catching up to do. We were content to wait for the Vin Brule, while we talked about her recent engagement, and upcoming wedding ceremony. I ordered the La Tur cheese, a soft cheese made with sheep's, cow and goat milk, served like a delectable dessert with berries, some sliced porchetta and an amazing glass of sparkling wine called Bracetto. From the little I read about them, both La Tur and Bracetto hail from the Piedmont region of Italy. It would be great to visit Piedmont and savor more tastes. Lady E. ordered the Kunik and Robiola cheeses, both served with fruit preserves. She liked the Bracetto so much, she also ordered a glass. When the Vin Brule arrived, it was accompanied by two figs dipped in chocolate. As we bit into them, the chocolate and fig merged with a crunchy nut in the middle, which delighted us. Big Daughter could give me chocolate-covered figs for Valentine's Day, and I would be in heaven. I took the remaining porchetta home, since I couldn't finish it. When I opened the bag, I found a beautiful, caramel-colored Bartlett pear, and was thrilled to receive that unexpected gift.

Hot mulled cider and the winter of my discontent

In the nick of time, my dear friend, Lady E., called me on Monday to check in. I was tapped out, after hosting little one's birthday party at the Chinatown Y, on Bowery near Houston on Sunday. Despite positive reviews, I worried that the food, from Pizza n Kebabs, 9th street at First Avenue, was late. Carl wanted the pizzas and salad delivered between 1-1:30 p.m. I suggested 12:30. He prevailed. The snacks were gone by 12:30, and I was mortified. My friend Lady S., and her delightful twins mistakenly went to the Y at Hester street. They arrived cold and hungry, after trudging around Chinatown, searching for the party. She was relieved that food remained. Other party goers were clearly having fun. It was hostess anxiety. As the party ended, Carl quickly visited DeRobertis Bakery, First Avenue between 10th and 11th, for an extra birthday cake, and a box of assorted cookies. It was a nice touch. As she departed, Lady S. accepted my offer of the remaining cookies. Several friends observed that little one gave no indication of the recent big changes with our family. She was happy and engaged throughout the party, and even made me dance the cha-cha-cha with her. Lady E. had stopped by with a present, but we didn't have a chance to talk. Monday afternoon, we ended up at Gottino's, 52 Greenwich Avenue at Perry Street, for a late-day snack. Normally, Gottino's is half-full on a weekday afternoon. Martin Luther King's birthday notwithstanding - almost all the seats at the bar were taken. Through the window, the falling snow was a pretty sight. Recently, the cold weather has left me feeling like a beached whale on an especially frozen shore. New York is in a deep freeze. Fortunately, or unfortunately, it evinces my first introduction to the U.S. Arriving in St. Paul, Minnesota, during the heart of winter was no picnic, for a tropical girl. Looming towers of snow lined the streets, accompanied by below-zero wind chill. Sometimes snow can be like ashes. In the parlance of my profession, I've been feeling dysthymic -always irritable. The wonders, or terrors of therapy. At Gottino, I struggled to maintain some optimism. It was hard going, until we received the perfect treat of mulled wine, or Vin Brule, as per Jody Williams, the proprietress. She had arrived while we were eating. Her unabashed enthusiasm was contagious, as she stood at the bar, and proudly surveyed her full house. Ms. Williams explained that small glasses of mulled wine are customarily imbibed by skiers on the slopes of Northern Italy. Earlier, I caught a whiff of something spiced, and warm. After observing the counterman filling a small glass from a silver tureen behind the bar, I asked him about it. He explained what it was, and offered us two glasses. Lady E. does not like alcohol. I assured her that a tiny glass of mulled wine was simply for comfort, and it was. For a brief moment, life tilted back to the side of warmth and sustenance. Thursday morning, en route to Carl's apartment, I stopped for breakfast at Falai, 265 Lafayette Street, just below Prince. Big Daughter was packing the last of her belongings. Since her return from Belgrade, we have been fighting our way through the pain of moving. Today's fight was particularly messy, after my melancholy meal. In a fit of pique, I threw the remote. A silly gesture, since I rarely watch television. Two summers ago, little one, Carl and I frequently ate breakfast at Falai, before her Sunday morning soccer practice at the Pace High School track. All white with glass chandeliers, there is a regal, Italian air. Falai has been redesigned since my last visit. Sitting at the counter, I noticed the precise order of wineglasses, and pans and microwaves. There's a different brand of tea, of which the English Breakfast flavor was very good. I hadn't counted on the feeling of dislocation evoked by my visit. Luckily, I calibrated the milk and sugar to make several perfect cups of tea. Not an easy balance at all.

The New Order and the Big Chill

As Carl and I have settled into a routine of separate homes and a shared child, we find ourselves spending time together with Little one on Saturday afternoons. After her afternoon ballet class, we generally get a snack and run errands. Now that she mostly gets unlimited attention from one parent, Little one appreciates these positive times with both of us - at least once a week. In recent months, I was mostly angry with Carl. It was not good for her, or Big Daughter to observe this. I'm becoming accustomed to my nights apart from Little One. Big Daughter remains in Belgrade, visiting her father and his family. It helps that Sunny's Flowers is close by, at the corner of 102 Second Avenue, corner of 6th Street. I can always buy myself an exquisite bouquet of flowers, like I did yesterday; little miniature pink roses, a tulip with waffled edges and something perfectly green with white blossoms. One block from Sunny's, is Podunk, my favorite tea room on E. 5th street, between 2nd and Bowery. Elspeth, the delightful proprietress, changed the menu over the Christmas break. I love the danish cookies with dipping sauce, a thin frosting that usually drips onto my clothes. Last Saturday, Carl raved over his spicy Malaysian noodles at Egg Custard King II in Chinatown, on Mott Street just off Canal. The staff is sweet with me. I keep ordering iced milk teas, despite the chilly weather. Once we picked up the Zipcar, and headed out of NYC, we were possibly the only fools driving upstate in a snowstorm. Carl had graciously offered to take me to the Theory outlet at Woodbury Commons in Harriman, NY, to purchase a suit. Interviewing requires suits, and I was lacking one. When we exited off the slippery Palisades Parkway, to the more-icy Route 17, Little one began oohing and ahhing at the blizzard-like snow rushing past the car windows. After stopping for gas, Carl became nervous about the low visibility, as he resumed driving. Seeing that we were behind a snow plow, spreading salt on the road, I observed this as positive. Little one began announcing every snow plow that passed. Privately, I began to feel guilty about the whole trip, and wondered if we were on a foolhardy expedition. Ironically, the roads were plowed and clear at Woodbury Commons. Small snowplows continually kept the sidewalks clear for shoppers. Little one enjoyed running in and out of the dressing room, until the saleslady was satisfied with my choice. I began to weary of the search, but she insisted that we find the right size pants, and a properly-fitted jacket. The savings were worth the harrowing trip. A $600 suit for $168. Big Daughter called from Belgrade, as we were heading back to NYC. She checked the suit out online, and approved. The wonders of the Internet. This Saturday, there are myriad errands for little one's birthday party, which is scheduled for Sunday at the Chinatown Y on Bowery at Houston Street. Due to a forecast of bitter cold, I requested that Carl again rent a Zipcar, since we must travel all over the city. My friend Lady S. suggested that we visit both the State News Store, 112 E. 86th Street, between Lexington and Park, and the Children's General Store, at 168 E. 91st Street, for party favors. They reportedly have many small toys to fit in several party favor bags, without breaking the bank. Heading back to the East Village we will order one chocolate, and one strawberry shortcake at De Robertis Italian Bakery, 176 First Avenue between 10th and 11th streets. When I first moved to NYC in 1982, I would spend a fair amount of time in DeRobertis. I remember buying small cookies with fig filling, when I didn't feel well. Then, I discovered their Hot Cross buns for Easter. A small pillow of sweet dough. We had the same cakes at last year's birthday. Despite himself, Carl began laughing, when I suggested that we head out to Bay Ridge to eat at Al Safa, 8002 Fifth Avenue, a Middle-Eastern restaurant in Bay Ridge, and then go to Nablus, a nearby restaurant for Middle Eastern sweets, 6812 Fifth Avenue, after the errands are done. Carl is the last of a dying breed; a New York bachelor through and through. He is content to regain ownership of his space and prepare for March Madness, which is soon approaching. I think of the image of Buffalo roaming the open plains, before the settlers came.

Porchetta, Apple Cider and the New Year

Every year, New Year's Day slams into me like a brick hitting a wall, and I don't even have a hangover. It's not the quietness of the city that bothers me on New Year's Day. There's a deeper feeling - it's like temporarily crossing a narrow strait without direction. Maybe that's why so many people drink the night away. On New Year's Day, my friend Lady E. agreed to meet for lunch. We decided to eat North Indian food at Dhaba, on Lexington Avenue between 27th and 28th streets. Apparently, Dhaba is part of a group of several Indian restaurants in NYC. The decor had a larger-than-life quality. It was very modern, all bold reds and purples, with elegant booths. We declined to sit in the window, and regretted our decision for the meal's duration. Every time the door opened, whoosh, a blast of cold air blew in. The chai tea was served in glasses. We were tickled to get sugar, but no spoon for stirring. We used our knives to mix in the sugar. Dhaba offers several kinds of Indian street snacks called chaat. We selected one called Purani Delhi Ki Papri chaat. It came with semolina, flour chips, chutneys and was sprinkled with pomegranate seeds. We also ordered Aloo Gobi Samosa. Samosas are a triangle of dough filled with mashed potato and spices. When I was a child, my mother would make samosas for us to eat during long road trips in Nigeria. Lastly, we shared a mild curry with chicken, green peppers and onions, with an order of Poori, a big puffed, whole wheat bread. Midway through lunch, I had a mini anxiety attack, but kept it to myself. Afterwards, when Lady E. invited me to join her and friends to see the movie, The Day The Earth Stood Still, I declined. It felt little too close to my truth, but I didn't say that. Little one was with Carl, visiting a friend in New Jersey. Big Daughter was in Belgrade. During the holidays, New York City can feel unkind when family is not nearby. It is a humbling feeling. By contrast, New Year's Eve was low-key. It was nice to stay home and read. After finishing some errands on New Year's Eve, little one and I stopped for roasted pork sandwiches at Porchetta. Located at 110 E. 7th street, between First Avenue and Avenue A, it's a few blocks from the E. Village apartment. In late October, I tried to visit with Carl, but was put off by the crowd. True to form, the small storefront (recently voted No. 1 in New York Magazine's Where to Eat 2009 issue), was bustling. People spilled out of the space, into the doorway and onto the street. To escape the crush, we stood outside, amidst miniature, swirling snowflakes, while we waited for our sandwich. Through the window, a man eating inside at the counter, smiled periodically at us. After awhile, little one was cold. We went back in, and found seats at the counter. I was amused to see that 7th street is developing into it's own little foodie destination. After ordering, several patrons, headed over to Butter Lane, a new bakery specializing in cupcakes with really creamy frosting. The frosting is like a cloud of sweet cream. As they left Porchetta, several of them said "cupcakes", with a question mark. I pointed them across the street, almost to Avenue A. I had stopped in at Butter Lane and purchased one cupcake to go, the Thursday that Big Daughter ended up in the E.R. at St. Vincent's Hospital. After we returned home from the hospital that morning at 1:30 a.m., she was thrilled to eat the cupcake, and pronounced it "amazing." Once our sandwich was ready, little one said she liked the ciabatta roll. I liked the pork. We were content. I didn't mind spending $9 for a sandwich on New Year's Eve. Little one expressed a wish to watch the ball drop at midnight. When I returned home at 8, after seeing two clients, she was fast asleep. Carl had come over to watch her. At our request, he kindly brought Carr's crackers - (my favorite), cheese straws for little one, along with cheddar cheese, salami and one 8 oz bottle of sparkling apple cider. He was worried that he bought too little cheese. Bazzini's, in Tribeca -where he bought the food - drives him crazy. He remembers when they were wholesale, Tribeca was like a desert. I was upset that little one and I would not be able to toast the New Year with that single bottle of apple cider. In the spirit of graciousness, I kept quiet. Sure enough, the cider was finished when I returned. Carl had a New Year's Eve party to attend. He agreed to return in the morning and help me recycle the Christmas tree in Tompkins Square Park, before collecting little one. While she slept, I read Under the Tuscan Sun, by Francis Mayes. My mother had mailed the book to me in late October. It was surprisingly comforting to lie on the couch, and read Ms. Mayes' account of a house restoration, interspersed with recipes and musings on eating porchetta. I'd been planning to make a ragu when Big Daughter gets home, and here was not the recipe.

The Ties that bind

Friday evening, Big Daughter flew off to Belgrade for a three week visit with her father. Given our recent changes, little one and Carl both took it hard. We have established a smooth routine between our two homes. It's possible that Big Daughter's trip kicked up the realization of the change. She had a hard time at JFK on Friday night. Luckily, she was accompanied by her dog, Gigi. Little one asked why we didn't go to Belgrade as well. Big Daughter's absence hit me on Sunday. It was a wrenching feeling. I kept thinking I would lose my keys and be locked out of the apartment. After awhile, it occurred to me that if this happened, I could call the locksmith. He had recently changed the lock at the E. Village apartment, when we first moved in, (all the while talking about his bird, a cockatoo which is driving him crazy.) Between the holidays, the city feels empty. This morning, when I stopped at Jacques Torres Chocolate at 350 Hudson, on King Street, for a wicked, a spicy hot chocolate, the space felt cavernous and empty. After a while, customers began trickling in. I am slightly bereft, but know that such is the consequence of ties that bind. My friend, Lady E. was reassuring and observed that these are "old" feelings, i.e. evoking the numerous trips that Big Daughter took, when it was just she and I. Saturday, I invited Lady E. to a belated birthday lunch at Saravannas -I should add the Bhavan to its title - at 26th street and Lexington Avenue. It was a nice treat, following several make-up sessions with clients. After missing Lady E.'s surprise birthday, when Big Daughter was in the E.R., Saravanna's fit the bill. Lady E. loved their chai, and the South Indian thali, an assortment of several, spicy, vegetarian offerings arranged circularly on a metal tray. They are centered around a dish of rice, and some papadum. Of course, we also ordered the Mini Tiffin, with a Masala Dosa and some dips. I liked the feeling of home. Despite a huge number of people waiting, we were welcomed, and seated quickly. It's nice to be a regular. Lady E. was interested to hear that the atmosphere -lively Indian families -reminded me of my childhood in Africa. She remembered going to elementary school in Hong Kong with mostly Indian children. I nibbled on all the desserts, and felt content. During this time of transition, comfort is found in old habits. Yesterday, I found solace in visiting the Duane Reade at 2nd Street and Avenue B to buy Hello Kitty band aids, for little one's next mishap. Every customer looked like a member of that band, The Killers. I'm certain it is the hippest Duane Reade in the entire country, including L.A. Courtesy of Santa, little one received a miniature baking set, replete with miniature cookie cutters, shaped like hearts, crescents, four leaf clovers and circles, a baking sheet and a little rolling pin. She was curious about my method of communicating with Santa, and only partially convinced that I did so via email. We made the peanut butter cookie dough on Friday- since those ingredients were at hand -and then chilled the dough. Yesterday, was the appointed day to roll out the dough, cut the shapes and bake the cookies. They actually turned out well. I used some maple-flavored peanut butter from the The Peanut Butter and Company. They are at 240 Sullivan Street, between Bleecker and West Third, in the West Village. I like to eat their peanut butter plain, sometimes before bed, if I skipped dinner. I had bought a five pack of flavored peanut butters at the recent NYC Chocolate Show. Using the Mighty Maple allowed us to skip the sugar, and the little miniature cookies were not overly sweet. Before baking, we took a little trip to Pearl River Trading, my favorite new emporium at 477 Broadway, below Broome, to get a step-stool. Without it, little one couldn't reach the counter in our minuscule East Village kitchen. As we walked through Chinatown, we made sure to get an iced tea at Egg Custard King II, Mott Street between Canal and Bayard, right below Canal. We find the M9 bus to Chatham Square is our easiest option of travel, if little one resists walking. I was able to restrain her from clamoring for additional purchases, despite her admiration of elaborate fountains and intricate stone Buddhas, as we perused the wares on the second floor at Pearl River Trading. She liked seeing the selection of jewelry boxes, from which I chose Big Daughter's Christmas present. We also stopped at the tea room on the 2nd floor balcony, and smelled the different types of tea, but did not partake. On our return trip, we stopped at Saxelby Cheese at the Essex Market, Delancey and Essex, to pick up some sharp cheddar and maple smoked Gouda. Carrying the stool, the Sunday NY Times, the cheese, and some fruit from Chinatown was slightly challenging, but we were still able to stop for a phone card, so we could call Big Daughter, later in the day.

Sugar lollipops, hot chocolate and cold fingers

At times, Christmas feels like a mirage this holiday season. Since yesterday, I've dodged several unsettling moments. Yesterday morning, an introductory meeting suddenly became aggressive, and slightly hostile. Afterwards, as I bought a hot chocolate at La Colombe d'Or, 319 Church at Lispenard street in Tribeca, an irritable woman, wearing strikingly beautiful rings, glowered at me. As I fumbled for my change, I apologized to the counterman for my cold fingers. The glowering woman loudly stated, "it's not cold out," and I smiled at her. As I walked home from my office tonight, for a brief heart-stopping minute, a young man refused to let me walk by him. In a playful, yet menacing manner, he said "I'm just playing wid you." In each case, I opted for grace, and continued on unscathed. We find the Christmas spirit in the most unlikely places. Last evening, Big Daughter and I visited St. Vincent Hospital's emergency room. She had complained of excruciating pain for a day and a half,  and I insisted it get checked out. We arrived at 5 p.m., and she was discharged at midnight, diagnosed with a kidney infection.  Our time in the E.R. was not bruising nor frightening. It served instead, as an affirmation of human kindness. When Big Daughter was finally admitted to the E.R., it was so crowded, her bed was the third, in a lane that staff would normally walk. As she cried from the pain, I cradled her. Waiting for the doctor, we gazed at the sea of hospital beds surrounding us, each with its unique story. The E.R. staff were efficient, yet overwhelmingly kind and gentle. Despite the pervasive aura of pain and discomfort, there was a sense of community. Everyone was unfailingly polite and considerate. To our right, was a long row of several men of varying ages. One of them was sporting a large black eye. I heard him say ruefully on his cellphone, "I started the fight." The doctor finished her initial exam of Big Daughter, and went off to order tests. Mr. Black Eye called out to me, "Excuse me, do you work in fashion?" Big Daughter momentarily forgot her pain, and said "she looks like Nina Garcia, right? That's what people always say." A few minutes later, the man to his left - who looked like a old revolutionary - said "this reminds me of communist Russia." He caught my eye, and we began laughing together. Later a young resident walking by smiled, and said, "it looks like you all are having a party back there." We were talking to our newest neighbors, a screenwriter and his sweet, loving wife, who had just flown in from L.A. He was unable to eat without pain, and due to travel to Aruba this morning. In that moment, our stories were all the same - we were seeking comfort for those we loved. Young Sir C., Big Daughter's boyfriend, arrived around 8:30 p.m. When they whisked her off for a CAT scan, we joked at our sudden sense of dislocation, and awaited her return. The angry, psychotic man behind us began mumbling "white trash," and the nurse told him to hush. She and I looked at each other and smiled, as we shook our heads. Young Sir C went out to buy snacks. He returned with baby bell cheese, mozzarella sticks and oranges, and a Pepsi. We ended up eating dinner at Veselka's, Second Avenue and 9th street in the East Village, at 1 a.m.. They ordered pierogis, and I had a glass each of seltzer, and homemade apple cider. I ordered Kutya, a Ukranian dish with wheat berries, raisins, honey and poppy seed. It was not too sweet, but very rich in flavor. I couldn't finish it. Next week, our family will eat together, for the first time since our break-up. In the spirit of harmony and friendship, we will join Young Sir C, Carl, and our dear friends, Lady S, and Sir H, and their twins, at Sal Anthony's Lanzas, First Avenue and 10th street in the East Village. Our annual Christmas Eve dinner.  It has been fun to buy the presents that are handed out at dinner. On a recent Monday, little one's school celebrated a religious holiday. We used the opportunity to visit Kiosk, a whimsical store in Soho, 95 Spring Street, between Broadway and Mercer. It's been on my radar screen for awhile. The wind was unstintingly fierce on Lafayette Street, and I suggested we get Chai at Hampton Chutney, on Prince and Lafayette. Little one rebuffed me, and requested a visit to Think Coffee, 248 Mercer street, on the campus of New York University. She likes their Chai Latte, because the barista piles it high with whipped cream, especially for her. For that reason, little one told me, "I love him." She also ordered a surprisingly tasty sandwich of green apple slices and brie, on a baguette. We were adrift in an ocean of college students. I thought of Big Daughter at class at New School. Astoundingly, little one finished the entire sandwich. I complimented her on her good choice. At Kiosk, we were delighted to find balsa gliders, popsicle stick building kits, old-fashioned sugar lollipops and brightly-colored plastic birds from Mexico which tweet, when filled with water. She spied a vintage copy of Twas the Night Before Christmas, and sang the verses, as I paid for the gifts. When we got home, as instructed, little one placed the lollipops in the fridge until Christmas Eve, so they would not melt beforehand.

Sweet milky tea and the impermanence of things

Little one is sick today. Carl called me last night to say she had a 100 degree fever. This morning, on his way to work, he brought her home. Tomorrow is her school Christmas concert. Hopefully she will recover in time to play "Jolly Saint Nicholas," for her piano recital. When Big Daughter would have sick days as a child, I would stress out about the conflicts between work and single motherhood. Eventually, I realized that being home with her allowed us to rest together -outside of scheduled school breaks. The working life, combined with family, can do that. It's been comforting and painful to return to the E. Village apartment. While I love the eternal mystery of crossing Avenue B and entering Tompkins Square Park, I didn't expect to return with a larger family, minus a partner. With the help of several good friends,  Big Daughter emptied her closet at the Tribeca apartment on Tuesday. On my way to help fold clothes, and pack breakables, I had such a knot in my shoulder, I dropped in at Fishion Herb Center, 107 Mott street, between Canal and Hester streets, for a 15 minute shiatsu massage. Last year, I had a weekly massage appointment at Fision with Esther, after Lady C., a former work colleague-now friend, told  me about them. Afterwards, I stopped at Egg Custard King, on Mott street, just below Canal, for an iced milk tea. After two round trips, Big Daughter finished the task. She texted me about treating her friends to dinner. I offered to reimburse her, if they ate "cheap." As part of "moving costs," Carl graciously covered the cost of their meal, Spanish food at a restaurant on Clinton and Avenue B. Little one was with them, and clamored for more "chicharrones," when they arrived home. Yesterday afternoon and evening, Big Daughter did an amazing job organizing her "boutique" closet. She's also been sick since Saturday, but simply soldiers on. Last Sunday, my friend Miss E., and fellow single parent, met me for lunch to catch up on recent events. From Avenue B, we walked west on E. 9th street, until the wind got too strong, and then took the M8 bus to Christopher street, the last stop. We were heading over to Atrium, a tea room on Little  W. 12th street, in the Meat Market. It was closed. I remembered a prolonged wait for our change, during our last visit. As we walked past Pastis, I suggested Jarnac, a tiny french bistro on Washington at 328 West 12th Street, between Greenwich and Washington streets. Last winter, I went there with Carl to try their cassoulet. We walked up the street to look at The Paris Commune, at 99 Bank Street. I like their gingerbread. It was too crowded, so we walked back to Jarnac. The restaurant was cozy, and the tables nestled close together. We sat by the window, between a table of two couples, and a couple with their twenty-something daughter, and her boyfriend. He looked as if he just woke up. A younger version of Adrien Brody. The two couples were animatedly discussing the economic downturn, and their upcoming trip to Chile, not in that order. They had just been to church, and complimented the pastor's sermon, while discussing the worsening crisis to come. I was struck by the impermanence of things. We never leave our families, but perhaps we amend the things we cannot change.  Miss E. ordered a latte, and a breakfast burrito. I seriously considered a tamale. With my erratic appetite,  I opted for the comfort of sliced steak with a potato pancake, and English breakfast tea. The servings were generous, and we both took food home. Despite the tea bag, I appreciated the tiny teapot, and made sure my tea was milky and sweet. It was a late Sunday afternoon, and the chill was not oppressive. Miss E. observed that I was very clear about things.

The demise of the slow cooker and other stories -part 2

Since the demise of the slow cooker, our family has teetered precariously on the edge. Carl and I tried, but failed, to defuse the simmering anger between us. On Sunday, during an interminably rainy day, Big Daughter, little one and I returned to my East Village apartment, where Big Daughter grew up. Now, there are three of us. As the family member who yells, I'd learned, in recent years, to contain this bad habit. Three weeks ago, early on a Monday morning, I found myself yelling again. Not a good thing for the family, nor for me. Despite the gift of several gentle conversations over lunch, dinner and afternoon tea, the family crisis continued unabated. One memorable conversation was with my friend, and former co-worker, Lady C. Over the summer, she'd introduced me to Lovely Lady, a quirky cafe on Elizabeth Street, between Prince and Spring Streets in Nolita. A few Saturdays ago, I found Lovely Lady shuttered and closed, after a recent fire. I wasn't surprised. When I'm in crisis, my little universe usually goes into flux. I see this as a signal of impending change. We found our way to Room 118, a comfortable little bar/restaurant, just around the corner. As we sat at the bar and reviewed my career transition and the family crisis, Lady C. listened quietly. Being a pragmatic person, she was reflective about the many transitions. Exactly one year ago, she and I negotiated an intensely stressful period at my program, prior to her departure. My resignation validated our hard work, and her earlier and difficult departure. Endings can have that effect. Their meanings often emerge much later. As we talked, Lady C. had two beers, and I finished half of a strawberry capirinha prepared with muddled strawberries. Eventually we decided to share crispy deep fried potato croquettes, pork shumai and a very fresh, bracing ceviche. The bar food at Room 118 is excellent, and the bartender was low-key but attentive. The following Monday, Lady M. and I met for lunch at Inoteca, at the corner of Rivington and Stanton Streets on the Lower Eastside. I arrived a few minutes early, and was told by the staff, that the restaurant would open in 15 minutes. It was a stilted welcome. Lady M. confirmed hearing the same thing, when she arrived 5 minutes after me. It was cold that day, and there was no room at the inn. Given the recent economic downturn, we expected to be ushered in enthusiastically. Due to my scrambled state, we opted to have lunch there anyway. I ordered the cheese plate with condiments. Despite my stated dislike of blue cheese, a blue gorgonzala was included. The waitress graciously offered to change it, but it was too late in the meal. Lady M. had a panini and we each drank an Aranciata. I brought home an order of polenta. Lady M. was very balanced as she acknowledged the many negotiations of couples, within the context of family and work. Later that week, I met Lady S., one of my oldest friends, at Podunk, on E. 5th Street, between Second Avenue and Bowery, for tea and conversation. It's easy to talk to Lady S., because she never takes sides. She also has a great sense of humor -even when it seems like Humpty Dumpty is soon to fall off the wall. This can be very helpful, when someone like me is upset. In the middle of our conversation, Big Daughter called. She's been struggling with our family crisis, and had a brief, but necessary meltdown on the phone. Being a mother, partner and an individual can be a bit difficult. Sometimes, I simply hope for a little piece of me. I found that for an hour on Thursday afternoon at Cha An, the East Village Japanese tea room on E. 9th, between Second and Third Avenues. Instead of my usual choice of six appetizers, I opted for the sweets and tea. There were two miniature scones, one tiny green tea macaroon, and a sliver of pound cake -all accompanied by very fresh whipped cream and a little container of berries. Prior to that, I was served two sandwiches on miniature, bagel-like rolls -one with salmon and the other with melted butter and raspberries. I ate the salmon, and a tiny corner of the bread and raspberry. As I bit into it, it was warm and yeasty -but best in the smallest doses. I brought home one scone and the pound cake. Sometimes sweet things make me itch, and that's what happened later on that afternoon. We are no longer a family who eats together. Big Daughter has returned to her favorite E. Village haunts for dinner; 7A and Odessa. Carl met little one and I for breakfast at Chatham Square, our breakfast haunt for dim sum, the other morning. When little one complained of a stomach ache, I was sympathetic. I agreed that it's difficult to eat, when everything changes. After hearing that, little one found her appetite and began eating her sticky rice and shrimp dumplings. I drank my iced tea and Carl said he wasn't hungry.

Moments of reflection and Chaiwalla

Carl made a delicious turkey dinner on Saturday evening. To compliment the roasted turkey, I found two great recipes in this month's Gourmet magazine; one for green beans and the other for roasted yukon potatoes. They were quick and easy to prepare, but most importantly, tasted really good. That morning, I obtained a verbal recipe for homemade cranberry sauce with lemon zest, from a mother at little one's ballet class. Cranberry sauce is actually easy to make. I had the idea it was very time-consuming. My former work colleague, and good friend, Lady C., came bearing her darling new baby Ella, her husband, Sir M., and cupcakes from Cheeks Bakery on Metropolitan Avenue, on the edge of the South side of Williamsburg and Greenpoint. I generally visit Melanie, the baker at Cheeks, at least twice a week to chat. I also bring home good things for breakfast. It was a big treat to be on the receiving end of the vanilla and chocolate cupcakes. Big Daughter was also pleased. She had asked me to bake cupcakes, but I was a bit strapped for time. Early Saturday morning, there was a brief, but unmemorable commotion, when I asked Carl to take little one to ballet, since I had two early-morning clients. He was fixated on slow cooking the turkey, and momentarily flummoxed at the interruption - until he realized that he could run home from ballet, and resume the task. Flexibility is a learned technique, and in our home, a negotiation. By Sunday morning, I was ready to sit back and look out the window during our usual car trip. Since the laundry room at Carl's building is being renovated, as part of an overall building upgrade, I figured we'd drive the laundry over to my old laundromat in the East Village. Carl's building lobby is looking pretty swanky these days. The doormen, who have been in the building for years, are now wearing uniforms. Carl signed his lease in 1974, when Tribeca was a barren, wind-swept desert of few people and many tall buildings. In the early 1980s, I would visit my best friend Lady C., at 175 Franklin. She was right across from what-used-to-be Riverrun, and next to the now-defunct Socrates Diner. I remember squeezing my very pregnant belly into a booth at Socrates, when we met for lunch, just prior to the arrival of Big Daughter. Later, when Big Daughter was an infant, and then an adorable and spunky toddler, I would frequently visit Ms. R, my very first employer. She hired me as an editorial assistant/secretary at Plenum Press on Spring Street, between Varick and Sixth Avenue. Under Ms. R's influence, I learned about Sunday morning brunch at Capsuto Frere's on Desbrosses street. Sitting on the sliver of outside balcony and eating smoked trout, I was taking another kind of Sunday drive. Shopping at Bergdorfs and dinner at the Watts Happen Inn on Watts street, were also courtesy of Ms. R. She introduced me to the Ear Inn, which still holds strong, although I rarely visit. In those days, Tribeca felt like the Wild West, and the Ear Inn it's local saloon. I almost expected the NY version of Billy the Kid to show up. When we went out dancing on Thursday evenings at Area, a nightclub on Hudson Street, we often saw Matt Dillon and Mickey Rourke in the crowd. Back then, they were like urban cowboys. It's only fitting therefore, that Sunday's drive ended up at Chaiwalla, a tea cafe located in Salisbury, Connecticut, which has been a favorite of mine for a long time since Lady C. and I visited Chaiwallas back in the 80s. Could it really have been that long ago? I checked with Elspeth, my dear friend and proprietress of Podunk, a tea room on E. 5th between Second and Bowery. She said it very well may be. Elspeth was a neighbor of Chaiwalla's, once upon a time, before bringing tea to us lucky people in the E. Village and NYC. Lady C. used to know the owners of El Teddys, the Mexican restaurant on W. Broadway at Franklin, that-is-now Tribbles, the home/garden store. That particular trip, she borrowed the car from El Teddy's owner, and off we went. I came back with a beautiful wrought-iron table and two chairs, which Lady C.'s then-fiance graciously hoisted on a rope, through the living-room window of my tiny E. Village apartment. At that time, I also had an extremely elegant trunk and rug belonging to Lady C. Trained as an architect, she had the eye of an interior designer (and was often hired to redo interiors). Memories can be so specific and comforting. Salisbury still feels like it did, that late Saturday afternoon in the late fall, full of smoky light and early autumn chill. As we drove through Kent, Connecticut and along the Housatonic River on Sunday, I thought of life in the 1980s. I was not yet a mother, and very much floating about in the heady days of graffiti art, punk and E. Village and breakfast at Odessa, learning social manners particular to NYC. Prior to Lady C., I had lived with Miss F., a former couture model who provided me entree to NYC hot spots like Area, the Roxy, The World and so on. I was a wide-eyed naif, but smart enough to go along and observe the scene. These days, Big Daughter has access to the hot spots. She's more of a homebody -between college, work and her dog, Gigi (who really likes eating cat food). When Big Daughter jokes about taking me out, I laugh off the invitation. Staying out late is too hard for me, and I can only manage about two sips of alcohol. We didn't drink in the 80s either. Back to the Sunday drive. As we drove out of NYC, and avoided the marathon traffic, I googled directions to The Aldrich Museum of Art in Ridgefield Connecticut. We ended up taking the Tappan Zee bridge up to Katonah and then heading over to Connecticut. Not a memorable ride, but the trip through Kent, Connecticut was all the more spectacular afterwards. The Aldrich is a very modern, open space. One of the current exhibits featured celebrity photographs by the painter Elizabeth Peyton. Her friends were in the pictures - people like Marc Jacobs, for example. I think her paintings are presently at the New Museum in NYC. In the gift shop -always a required stop -little one found two books, and what she called a "lunar module." I bought Colorstrology, a book linking your birthday to your color. I looked up the birthday/colors of different people. Carl's was described as "deep and probing." Big Daughter was described as a hard-worker and being "born for the limelight," and little one was described as "charismatic and jovial but definitely not a pushover." From the Aldrich, we drove east to Chaiwalla, past forests of brilliant acid-washed foliage, and the meandering Housatonic River. Little one was hungry, so we stopped in Kent and got her a snack, but I felt like a fish out of water. It was just a little bit too preppy for my tastes. Salisbury was another 30 minutes of absolutely beautiful scenery. At Chaiwallas we sat by a large bay window in the back, overlooking a sloping lawn with one table and two chairs in the early twilight. Little one and I headed in, while Carl sorted out which part of the paper he wanted. When he entered, the cake plate fell onto the floor, and there was a brief silence before the waiter picked it up. Carl and I shared an Indian spiced tea. Little one started crying when I initially said she must choose between a Chai float (Chai tea with chai ice cream) and cheese toast, saying "but I want it so much." She ended up with two orders of cheese toast (melted Cheddar open face on toast) and ate the ice cream out of the float. As we drank our tea, another glass was dropped on the floor, and the owner laughed as she picked it up. I had just enough cash to cover our afternoon tea break. On these outings, Carl pays for the car and I pay for the day's activities. The sun was setting, and the windows were slightly foggy. The two patrons closest to us were making plans, and across the room, I could hear snippets of poetry being read aloud by different members of a small class. As the day wound up, and dusk approached, the prospect of leaving my program seemed manageable. November 28 is my last day. Although I love the program, it's time to move on. One circle closing, another opening, and still the comfort of Chaiwalla.

The demise of the Slow Cooker and Other Stories

Little one spent the day with me at work yesterday. She was slightly under the weather, and I didn't want to call in sick. It's uncanny how she knows when I need to slow down. Big Daughter used to do that as well, when she was younger. They insist on spending a day, when time begins speeding by in a blur, and I'm also standing at the brink of getting sick. In the mid-afternoon, Carl met us at Podunk at East 5th Street, between Second and Bowery, to collect her, since I had private clients in the evening. As I ordered tea, Elspeth smiled when I chose Lapsong Souchong. She observed that Carl ordered it as well. I see this as a good sign, since he did throw out the Weil Spring Cooker - Yom Kippur and atonement notwithstanding. After Big Daughter brought a sweet little Toy Yorkie home, there was some commotion. Although Big Daughter had been talking about a dog, none of us knew it was imminent. It could have been worse; a baby, wild parties -the list is endless. We got off easy with a dog. Maybe Carl was afraid he would cook the dog in the slow cooker, so I shouldn't mourn. If the dog is staying, what's a slow cooker. My fantasies about preparing an array of soups and stews for fall, all without fuss, is the least of it. I was especially excited make an apple crumble in the slow cooker. Following its violent disposal - supposedly early one Saturday morning- my appetite disappeared. Since then, it's been all about snacks. On Columbus Day, Carl, little one and I grimly headed upstate for a day's drive. Despite feeling a deep sense of exhaustion, fall foliage appealed to me, and the change of pace was important. Prior to leaving the city, I suggested breakfast at Gottino, an organic enoteca/wine bar at 52 Greenwich Street, near Perry Street. My friend Lady E. and I had stopped in Sunday for a late afternoon snack and for the first time in days, I felt some peace. The bowls of walnuts on the bar were a nice touch, and the mid-summer weather created a particular ambiance. A few weeks prior, after a work meeting, I briefly hesitated outside Gottino, but continued walking. On Sunday, my internal GPS pointed us there. The counterman was a friendly young guy, with a lot of positive energy. He enthusiastically, and generously, helped me figure out the right drink for my rattled, post-mortem, slow cooker nerves. After offering me several tastes of his favorite wines, -one too dry, one too acidic-he finally suggested champagne and sour cherry juice. It was perfectly fizzy, and sweet, and a few sips did the trick. When Big Daughter was tiny, I would buy various fruit syrups at the East Village Ukrainian butchers and mix them with seltzer. Here again was that familiar taste, but with a slightly sedating effect. Lady E. and I shared a pumpkin ricotta omelet and chicken sausage with heirloom tomatoes. As we talked over the week's events, the animated sounds of conversation floated in from the small backyard. The counterman verified that Gottino gets "foolishly crowded" on weekday evenings. He handed me the breakfast menu, pointing out a few of his favorites. The next morning as we entered, I chastised Carl for bringing in his deli coffee, as we seated ourselves at the counter. Little one and I opted for the mint tea, which I had Sunday afternoon before leaving. It was wild, strong and sweet. I also ordered fresh-squeezed orange juice, which was served in a small glass flask, accompanied by a small glass of ice. It tasted like just-picked tangerines. For a minute, I imagined a little pensione on the Island of Capri. Little one asked for sunny side eggs, and I ordered several toasts -one with cinnamon and sugar, one roasted apples, one with ricotta and cherries. Carl ordered a grapefruit covered with blackberries, and other kinds of fruit. He couldn't get over the grapefruit, which seemed more like an orange. Little one asked the chef - I think it was Jody Williams herself - about a little green leaf, garnishing her eggs. Ms. Williams, she of gentle manner, and absolute delight in good food, explained it was sage. Little one was handed a piece of sage, and asked to inhale it's aromatic, and earthy aroma. As we were leaving, Ms. Williams remarked to little one that she was thinking about after-school snacks. When she mentioned Funnel cakes, I said adults might like them too, and she smiled. Afterwards we drove into Brooklyn to collect our Lady D., our friend, and occasional caregiver of little one. She lives near Prospect Park, and I was struck by its regal presence on surrounding neighborhoods. Lady D. also wanted to see fall foliage. En route, we stopped at the Alternative Baker in Rosendale. Despite a sign, that advised a closing time of noon, the proprietor was amenable to serving us. With a beret perched jauntily on his head, he seemed slightly out-of-place in quiet Rosendale. After reading several local news articles about the bakery, I learned that the proprietor had lived and worked in Paris, prior to opening the bakery. Lady D. opted for a Belgian Hot Chocolate. Somehow, the girls ended up drinking the hot chocolate, which was sublime. I was appreciative of the proprietor's refusal to prepare a half-order of the Hot Chocolate for little one. He agreed to heat some milk with the left over chocolate, which worked out fine. I ordered a tiny lemon tea cake, and mostly inhaled it. Lady D. and Carl shared a blueberry tea cake, and little one ordered a mini-pizza. Before leaving, Carl checked out the Rosendale Cafe. He explained that it was well-known for featuring musicians from the 1960s and 70s, who fell on difficult times. Afterwards, we drove over to High Falls to say hello to Sean at Blue Cashew, the kitchen/pharmacy we visited last week. Outside of the store, there were three bikers; one man, two women, and their perfectly-groomed Maltese dog, and their motorcycles, eating lunch in front of the Blue Cashew. They advised that the front entrance was closed, and I experienced a brief whiff of menace. We made our way to the side entrance, and said hello to Sean. He suggested that we take a hike around Lake Minnewaska, a large glacier lake about 45 minutes away. When we arrived, the parking lot was pretty crowded, and there were several families hiking an-hour long loop. The setting was beautiful. From many points, the splendor of the Catskills was in full view. As we walked, I still felt a sense of disquiet. Little one noted that it was a long hike. Back in the city, we took Lady D. to Saravannas, our favorite South Indian restaurant on 26th street and Lexington Avenue. Eating Dosas and South Indian sweets, I regained my sense of balance. I decided to take my chai tea to go, and reheat it in the morning.

Practicality and its many pleasures

After a mix-up with my massage appointment at Namaste, a tranquil Yoga and massage studio on Grand Street, right off Havemeyer street in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, I was heading back to the office last week, when I spied the Potato Cafe at 254 South 2nd Street, (literally at the corner of Havemeyer). Mr. D., a friend, and former staff member at my program, had recommended the cafe, as we walked to Tipico for lunch on a hot summer day. With the advent of fall temperatures, the idea of a baked potatoes was a comforting alternative to the missed massage. On a whim, I decided to visit. The cafe is a tiny, charming space with several wooden tables and chairs. In the front window, several Mr. Potatohead dolls stand at attention, dressed in varied and colorful garb. There was outside seating, but I preferred the cozy inside vibe. The counter woman was friendly and welcoming, and gave me a warm smile. As I perused the chalkboard menu above the counter, I debated between a healthy potato salad and a baked potato with cheddar and bacon. At her suggestion, I ordered the latter. Several neighborhood regulars wandered in while I was waiting for my order. I was impressed when the counter woman came out front, and gently apologized to one of them, about the lack of a hummus plate. Moments later, the counter man brought my steaming hot, baked potato. It was split in half and covered with melted cheese and bacon. Without burning my tongue, I ate most of the cheese and bacon topping, and a third of the potato -and felt completely satisfied. Near one of the tables, there was a large, unopened box of Idaho potatoes. During tough economic times, one can always turn to the humble potato. This theme of practicality resurfaced when Carl expressed a desire to cook in honor of Rosh Hashanah. Being secular in their Jewishness, his family prefers to celebrate the holidays with friends, after the actual day has passed. In that spirit, and after a particularly grueling meeting at work on Friday afternoon, I decided to purchase a slow cooker for him. It would be an early birthday present, and assist him in cooking brisket. As a rule Carl doesn't like presents. (As confirmation of this, he has already tried to put the slow cooker on the balcony. At least he didn't throw it away). At this point, I would say that Carl needs to atone for his inability to accept gifts, but that's another story. Anyway, buying a slow cooker ended up being a bigger deal than I anticipated. After my meeting, I looked around the Williams Sonoma store on Seventh Ave and 15th street, and then walked to the Broadway Panhandler on West 8th street, between Mercer and Broadway. At Broadway Panhandler, I approached a gruff, yet kindly salesperson, and asked him to show me the slow cookers. There was a choice of two. After a few minutes, I decided on the Weil Spring Pressure Cooker. As we discussed its merits, another sales person told me - unprompted - what a great choice I had made. Later as I paid, the cashier also said I'd made a great choice. He informed me that this pressure cooker was affiliated with Dr. Andrew Weil, the noted health guru. I thought Weil was the Swiss manufacturer. It took some effort to transport the pressure cooker home, but I made it. The next morning, armed with a recipe for Beef Bourguignonne that I found online, Carl, little one and I visited the East Village Ukrainian butcher shop on 2nd Avenue, between 8th and 9th streets, after eating breakfast at Veselka. The butcher showed us a beautiful slab of beef, but refused to slice it into 1 inch pieces. Instead, he instructed us to brown the beef, and then put it into the pressure cooker, with the sauteed vegetables. Carl swallowed slightly at the price, $20/lb, but coughed up the $68.20. Afterwards, he took a minute to look at the rest of the cuts of meat. I was impatient to get home. Little one and I had my acupuncture, and her ballet. During the cab ride home, I pointed out that dinner for 8 computed to $8/per person, and a meal cannot be provided for a penny. Carl started laughing. The day before, I had placed an order for kugel- one potato, one cheese- at the Second Avenue deli at 33rd Street and Second Avenue. I was told that one kugel would feed two people. It actually feeds four, and both were very good. Most people liked the potato. In Tribeca, Carl raced over to the green market to buy vegetables, because he needed to cook the beef bourguignonne for six hours. It was already 10 a.m, and our guests were expected between 6 and 6:30 that evening. It was a race against the clock, but Carl made it. He persevered even when part of the cork fell in the bottle of pinot noir, an important ingredient. Later that evening, our guests pronounced the finished product to be excellent. Carl confessed that "slow cooking" was his favorite way to prepare food. Sunday, we took a day trip to go apple picking, and the theme of practicality continued. Armed with the name of an orchard, and exit 18, from our dear friend, Lady M., we meandered through New Paltz and continued past Mohunk Mountain House. It was a beautiful fall day, and the leaves were in hues of green, gold and rust. Along the way, we found the Blue Cashew, an amazing kitchen/pharmacy store selling items for dining/kitchen/home, just outside of High Falls. I spied silverware in the window and asked Carl to stop. Just before dinner Saturday evening, I found only two forks (and was forced to borrow forks from the neighbor -which are still in our kitchen!). At Blue Cashew, http://www.bluecashew.com/, we purchased some modern-looking, affordable, dishwasher-safe silverware, and six inexpensive simple, elegant drinking glasses. The gracious and friendly owner directed us to an orchard down the road. Somehow we ended up at a quirky, little orchard, which can be found online at http://www.mr.apples.com/. The proprietor, Mr. Philip Apple, had a wry sense of humor. He was reading the paper with classical music in the background. As we paid for our bag, he said "the apples are three miles down the way." When we looked startled, he laughed, and pointed to the many apple trees across the parking lot. As we walked off towards the orchard, he called us back to get a long handled apple picker. Little one was in heaven as we tramped around the wild apple trees, which are not sprayed. We tasted, then picked apples from several different trees. Around us, I overheard families and children giggling and laughing, as they picked apples. Alice in Wonderland gone apple picking in the garden of Eden. Afterwards we drove over to the Village Inn in Krumville, where we met Big Daughter, her boyfriend,Young Sir C, and his parents for a late lunch, along with friends coming in from the city. The friends arrived in style, landing alongside the restaurant in a sleek black helicopter. As the helicopter's propellers whirred, it created strong waves on the nearby lake. For a minute, I felt like crying. The engine's loudness momentarily transported me back to a childhood memory of fleeing Lagos in the midst of the Biafran War, as we were hustled onto an an Air France jet, late at night. The moment passed. We greeted the new arrivals, and settled in for a leisurely lunch on the porch. It was a beautiful, early fall afternoon, and the sun played hide and seek as it darted in and out of the clouds.

The family that eats together stays together

Big Daughter insists that our family eat together several times a week. This is a good thing, and I credit her father, and his family, for setting this standard. During our recent summer visit to Belgrade and the Dalmatian Coast, we all ate dinner together almost every evening, always with her grandfather. It was family time in the most basic sense. Little one was encouraged to try a little bit of everything. Given our disparate NYC schedules, we usually find three nights to eat together, again at Big Daughter's request. A few nights each week, little one and I usually decamp to my E. Village apartment. Located adjacent to Tompkins Square Park, it's become both a country home, so to speak, and a place of refuge. Big Daughter is living at home, while she attends Eugene Lang, which is part of the New School. In a reversal of roles, I travel across town, while she stays put. Given her long-time schedule of two months of every summer vacation in Belgrade, this is understandable. Carl grumbles that Big Daughter will remain with us when married. I suspect he's actually happy about the idea. In fact, most weekday mornings are quite exciting, as Carl and Big Daughter prepare for work and school. But back to dinner. In our family, I occasionally use dinner as a way to celebrate recent accomplishments. This summer, despite numerous obstacles, I maintained financial stability at my program. To honor my efforts, Big Daughter has been offering me dinner. Her company, and that of her younger sister, is my greatest treat. In that spirit, I suggested that we meet at Perbacco, an Italian restaurant at 234 E. 4th Street between avenues A and B, on Monday evening. This restaurant has generated significant buzz. It is also close to the E. Village apartment. Big Daughter was initially suspicious about the amount of food we'd be served. She correctly noted that small portions are the norm at many of my choices. I reassured her that Perbacco's menu is quite extensive. Dinner is important to Big Daughter in the way that breakfast is to me. She was waiting outside of the restaurant, when we arrived, and little one was happy to see her. The hostess did not smile as she seated us against the back wall, next to two women in the middle of their meal. After I returned from the ladies room, Big Daughter had switched seats. She wrinkled her nose, and mimed that little one's feet smelled. Little one was none too pleased, but did not react. Instead, pen in hand, she concentrated on playing hangman, a favorite dinnertime activity. I sat down on Big Daughter's almost empty Spanish latte from Think Coffee, and narrowly escaped a coffee bath on my new bag, constructed of Japanese rice paper, in a deep shade of pink. Shortly afterwards, a young couple was seated next to us. They were torn between discussing their medical training and eavesdropping on our conversation. Perbacco is an anomaly. It is a neighborhood restaurant, and slightly funky to boot, yet clearly maintains a very sophisticated pedigree. Coming out of the kitchen, I observed plates of food artistically arranged, yet deconstructed on the plate. Our waiter had a strong Italian accent. Down-to-earth and welcoming in manner, he rattled off the specials. When I selected the dinner special of pumpkin ginger soup with crumbled panchetta, he nodded approvingly. When asked to choose between the cheese croquettes and the Emilian style parmigiana cheese pie, he suggested the croquettes. Without asking, he said "no olives, right" as we ordered the fusili pasta with tomato sauce with mozzarella for little one. He, and Big Daughter, gently steered little one away from a rich-sounding ravioli. Big Daughter and I settled on the Parmesan creme brulee. She selected the chicken entree and I also ordered a glass of red wine. A basket of bread sticks, resting on top of small slices of bread arrived, along with a small dish of olives in olive oil. I ate most ofthe bread sticks, while Big Daughter took surreptitious sips of the red wine. The young couple next to us discussed problems at their hospital. Little one urged us not to "call out" the words, as we guessed according to her clues. She cried when Big Daughter yelled out "cat." Big Daughter discussed affairs of the heart. It was clear that she is truly loved, as evidenced by the recent gift of an adorable stuffed monkey. Little one likes to hug this monkey, when she gets home from school, and before she leaves in the morning. The fusili arrived first. The silverware was wrapped in a white, cloth napkin. As I handed little one a fork, the knife fell to the floor. It just missed my big toe. Almost immediately, a waiter arrived bearing a clean knife. While little one ate half of of her fusili, Big Daughter nibbled on pieces of melted mozzarella mixed in the pomodoro sauce. The croquettes surpassed our expectations. Served on a small salad of cubed celery, pears and walnuts, the soft and crunchy tastes complimented each other. We shared the Parmesan creme brulee, and left almost nothing in the dish. The slightly caramelized crust was a great counterpoint to the creaminess of the cheese. After a few bites, I was full, but began eating my soup. The manager, who was keeping a close eye on diners, encouraged me to slide the panchetta, scattered along one edge of bowl, into the soup. It looked like crumbled salt, and added texture and taste. Since Saturday, I'd been craving soup and I was glad I waited. The waiter explained that the garnish of small seaweed-like strands floating atop the soup, were actually thinly-sliced, fried eggplant skin. Big Daughter compared Perbacco to Moto, our favorite, Chicago-based, new-age foodie restaurant. She ate almost all of her chicken, which was rolled into small, tubular shapes. On the edge of the plate, sat an undulating ribbon of carrot, which I kept thinking was pasta. Little one and I shared the dessert called Chocolate Variable. As per the waiter, it was a series of chocolate bites paired with different counter-tastes. There was a tiny, ethereal birds nest, filled with a chocolate mango and sea-salt flavored mousse (we found this so-so), a dark chocolate passion fruit semifreddo (we liked this), a doll-size chocolate coffee-bean cake (we loved this), white chocolate with jasmine tea bom-bom, (we didn't like this), and some square shavings of dark chocolate with olive oil and lavender, which little one consumed on the inhale. On our way out, we encountered the hostess, still unsmiling, outside of the restaurant. Across the street, the restaurant E.U. was mostly empty. In the early evening darkness, their table votives flickered in a ghostly manner and I thought of Edgar Alan Poe. After we kissed goodbye, Big Daughter began walking back to Tribeca, and little one and I made our way to e. 8th street.

Tried and True (or maybe Tired and wondering about truth)

Little one has finally fallen asleep. As she drifts off, she likes to place her finger in my belly button, which was our main connection when she was in utero. Big Daughter has skipped uptown to have dinner with Young Sir C, who finally finished work. While waiting to leave, she joined little one on the couch, to watch the tail end of a Disney movie. This meant that bedtime loomed farther on the horizon before becoming a reality. Carl is at the gym. After I arrived home, he correctly pointed out that bedtime would become a struggle, once I was present. There were a few false starts while little one settled down. First, she needed to tell me about the new music teacher and the morning trip to the fire station; "they had three alarms, and finally we left." She's concerned about how to save our three cats in event of a fire and Carl had assured her, we have four sets of hands between us. Lying next to her, I was able to reflect on the intense energy of the day and once she fell asleep, tiptoed off to write about it. A mistral blew into work today-perhaps summer's end? - and wreaked havoc on technical and human systems. To add insult to injury, my fancy new Iphone kept weaving in and out of service, as I made my way through the East Village, from the J train stop on Essex/Delancey to Cha An, my favorite Japanese tea room at 230 E. 9th street, between Second and Third Avenue. Perhaps the full, harvest moon interrupted all basic connections. Nonetheless, I was grateful for the brief moment of silence. Cha An is reached by a flight of stairs to the second floor, which offers a particular, and reassuring sense of order. At the top, there is a curtain, divided in two parts, and I enter a calm interior with a decor of soothing dark wood. There is an unseen boundary between the tea room and the outside world -which lies literally at the bottom of the stairs. In recent weeks, I've rediscovered a simple solace at Cha An. I generally sit at the front counter, adjacent to a long wooden bar. A large rice cooker sits squat, and the waitresses move about preparing tea orders. Further back, two chefs, one male, one female, prepare the food in an open-air kitchen. Midway through my meal, the female chef ate her dinner at the far end of the counter. The sound of her laughter floated over me, as I occasionally looked up from the newspaper to watch a large mixer whirring round. In recent weeks, I've been ordering six mini appetizers and tea. Last week, I chose a pot of Keemun tea and received an elegant, yet gentle selection of the following: crunchy green beans, a piece of salmon, one piece of curried shrimp, pickled eggplant and a simple, tangy cabbage salad. Directly in front of me, was a large glass cookie jar filled with green tea cookies in flavors of chocolate and green tea. As I paid the bill, I ordered one green tea chocolate cookie to go and nibbled the corner. This afternoon, I opted for the summer special, the Okayu set, and selected a Ceylon Pekoe tea, with milk and sugar. The set included rice with a cold bonito broth, cold mackerel with ginger, seaweed, pickled cucumber, and a perfectly tiny, wrinkled -and exquisitely sour -pickled red plum. The rice was a beautiful pinky white, with small pieces of chopped yamu (Japanese potato), sesame seeds and greens floating about with two frozen cubes of fish broth on top. The ice cubes slowly melted, as I was eating and the bracingly fresh flavors provided a tremendous sense of well-being. Taste can be so transporting that angst is forgotten. As I interspersed the rice with tastes of the small appetizers, multiple flavors literally "popped" on my tongue and I forgot the day's upheaval. A trip to Japan is becoming a serious reality (Lady L. are you listening?) In past visits, dessert was an amazing black sesame flan with a crunchy wafer - a small sea studded with texture. Today it was a millefleur pastry, with a symmetrical, yet miniature scoop of raspberry ice cream, studded with chunks of fresh raspberry, and crowned with architecturally-balanced wafers. Finishing my dessert, I suddenly realized that I didn't have enough cash. The waitress merely smiled when I mentioned a quick trip to the bank. When I came back, my tea was slightly cold, next to the scattered sections of the New York Times. I took one last sip, gathered the paper, asked for a green tea chocolate cookie to go and headed out with a clear mind.